Event Horizon

GREETINGS DEAR READER, WELCOME TO FRIGHT-DAY. PREPARE FOR HORROR.
TONITE'S HORROR MOVIE IS... EVENT HORIZON
*scream*

Perhaps you have never heard of Event Horizon! Well I don't blame you! It isn't very notable. But it has Morpheus from the matrix and that one guy from Jurassic Park.

But enough about the tedious details. Let us get to the movie.

So I'm watching Event Horizon and it's like... oh! It is a sci fi movie! (I actually was not surprised by this, because I bought the dvd for a couple bucks and I saw a spaceship on the cover)
There is a spaceship and it is pretty big, it is called the Event Horizon. I come to the conclusion that that probably means this is significant. It is just sort of drifting though. Although the drifting is fairly ominous. The text on the screen reveals to us that this is in the future past. Then the camera changes and now we see some people in the future present.

The people are the Jurassic Park guy and Morpheus. Some other people too. They are all going on an expedition to that spaceship we just saw. The JP guy is a scientist who designed the ship, it is revealed fairly early. Morpheus owns the ship that they are going to fly over to the Event Horizon.
Everybody's like hey what are we doing and Morpheus is like "I dunno ask the Jurassic Park guy" and the Jurassic Park guy is like "Well I'm a scientist, and I designed that ship. It is a spaceship called the Event Horizon."
Everyone is like "hahaha, you jokin'!". But no. He is serious.
Everyone is then like "Okay, so what's up with this ship?"
And the Jurassic Park guy says "I'm a scientist, and this ship dissappeared."
"Why did it disappear?" they ask.
Jurassic Park guy then takes a piece of porn and pokes two holes in it with a pencil. He then says a bunch of words that I will translate for you: "Science."
Everyone is absolutely horrificated. They say things like "YOU DEFY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS." and "SAY WHAAAAT?"
But they get over it eventually and they go to the spaceship.

At the spaceship they see some bombs. Morpheus is all like "Hey Jurassic Park guy, what is up with these bombs?"
Jurassic Park guy says "They are in case things go wrong and we have to blow up a part of a ship to save ourselves."
Morpheus is like "Oh, okay. Good thing we will not have to use them."
:|

They are all goin' around and checkin' things out and we see some floatin' hands and stuff? People are all like "whaaaaaat?" but not Morpheus. He is serious.
This one dumb guy goes over to the engine room to check out the engine? I guess he's simple or something 'cuz I'm pretty sure the scientist said that that thing defies physics. If I were in space and there were floating hands in a derelict spaceship, I would just find some corner far away from airducts and avoid all things labeled "physics defying". But anyway, he goes to that engine room and inside it looks like a bunch of spikes. The sort of spikes that are sharp and not very friendly looking? I don't really know why they need those spikes. Maybe they cut through physics like butter.
But anyway, the engine starts doing its thing and suddenly the guy gets sucked into a big portal and everyone really freaks out. Then the guy pops right back out of the portal but he's in a coma.
Morpheus is all like "WHAT THE FUCK?!" to Jurassic Park guy and Jurassic Park guy says "No no, it's cool."
So people chill out.

I don't want to give away too much, but I'm going to tell you now that not very nice things happen shortly afterward! Pretty soon there are ladies with no eyeballs, flaming oil and exploding bombs... as well as crazy people!

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So. Event Horizon? Pretty alright.
I mean, don't go in expecting the best sci fi horror has to offer. Go see Moon or something for that. The strange thing about Event Horizon is its monster is fairly non-traditional... but unfortunately it is also fairly stupid.
The monster remains unknown for most of the movie. You don't know if the portal released monsters in there or if it's something else that is all crazy-like. But the monster reveal takes so long to occur that by the time it is revealed, you pretty much already know. It's also played like some sort of big "twist" when it isn't.

The film is strange. Because you don't know what the scary thing is until very late in the movie, the horror that happens early on is not very frightening. It's just "shocking". It's just a bunch of psychological bullshit.

No one is expecting Event Horizon to break boundaries, and it doesn't, but one doesn't have to break boundaries to put together a satisfying sci fi horror flick. And that's something Event Horizon doesn't really succeed at. It's... interesting... but is confusing and at times just feels like a bunch of broken scenes of generic horror. Their isn't any cohesion, even the monster reveal seems tacked on.

Scary? I guess... it does have those "shocker" moments. Satisfying? No, not really.

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